I cut my penus on the lid.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
