i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize