Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Drake has all the answers
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