Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
