I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
