He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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