what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
