oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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