I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
