Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
