just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
A bitchslap is in order.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize