I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
