from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i already hear my dad disowning me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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