I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
