just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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