My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
