Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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