hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
