Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize