She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
