There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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