there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
