I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
