Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
