I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
