Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
