ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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