don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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