omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What a dumb baby whore.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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