so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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