so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
