i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
