and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
