I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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