I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
