Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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