yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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