So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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