I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
