i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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