He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
