I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
