whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
