i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You don't make any sense
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