I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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