dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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