well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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