Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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