i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
