$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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