Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
