It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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