No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
