And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you had me at cake vodka
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
