until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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