Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
