Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
