I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
