Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
