There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
