this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As shirtless as possible
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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