I'm going to jail i love you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize