From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
