I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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