My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
