her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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