yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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