big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
