he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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