Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize