Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
a search helicopter?!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
