Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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