what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
