I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
