Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Text me some of your sweat
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
