Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Two words: blizzard sex
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
