That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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