We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
