Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
