May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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