Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
