She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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