Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
