I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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