3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
