i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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