there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
