my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
