TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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