i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
