youre lurking in front of me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
