Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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