At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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