I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
