I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
