ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
