between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
