i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
