I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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