I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
