So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
