I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
