Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize