butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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