So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
