so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
