I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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